The Other Side of the Lie

Finding the words to write this blog was extremely challenging because I'm not here to stir any pots. Where things are at now compared to where they were 6 years ago is night and day. I'm content to say that the co-parenting situation with my ex-wife, TODAY, is decent. So I will reiterate that these actions are dating back 6-7 years ago and beyond.

However, I still can't ignore the lies on the other side (that still linger). Lies that have been projected onto me that, I believe, led to my current situation of being incarcerated. Read Deal Gone Wrong here. Lies that have destroyed my reputation, upended my career, and have deeply impacted my daily life.

Now, before I go any further, let me assure you that I am NOT trying to paint myself to be a Saint. There is always two sides to the story, and I can be transparent enough to say that I had my fair share of flaws in this failed marriage. I did not lead my ex-wife as I should have (especially as an active pastor).

I harbored bitterness and resentment toward her from all her affairs that led me to treating her like scum. I dreaded being around her, so I left her to care for our 3 boys alone most of the time. And I made it super easy for her to cheat by always being gone or busy. However, I never would've imagined that all of our issues would lead to the nightmares it did!

My ex-wife was extremely vindictive. She had a pattern of manipulating the judicial system as a means to gain control over me, and she knew her marital rights concerning 'community property'. From 2013-2020, she filed 3 bogus protective orders in an effort to get back at me, have me evicted from our house and get custody of our boys. In one filing, she claimed that I beat her with a bat, kicked her and choked her over the course of 3 years. Then just days later, filed an order to terminate stating: "I think a restraining order was too much."

She alleges that I did all these horrible things for 3 years, and then decides that a restraining order is too much?! I mean these sorts of acts would surely leave marks or bruises, and potentially even hospitalization. Yet no police reports, no hospital visits, no pictures, no witnesses. Nothing! In fact, the police was called on her for criminal damage to property because she would try to break windows and kick down doors in rage!

In the 2nd protective order, it was just a couple months after we bought a house. I was traveling back from a referee camp in Texas when she told me that she had filed a restraining order. In the text messages below, she's shown threatening me moments before I got served with the order that if I didn't agree to her terms of the divorce, that she would have no choice but to continue with this 'other route' (with the bogus protective order).

Then, in the 2nd termination order, she states: "I don't feel it's necessary any longer." How do authorities not catch onto these lies?!

The story leading up to the 3rd protective order ...

In October of 2020, my ex-wife reached out to me via text saying that she needed to talk to me in person. I agreed to meet her at a public park where our boys could play while we talked.

It was then that she told me that her apartment had been broken into the night before, that the only thing that was stolen was a loaded gun, and that she didn't feel safe staying there. I'll let you wonder the same thing I did: "Why in the world was there a loaded gun in plain sight with 3 toddlers around?"

Anyway, she didn't even ask to move back in, she just told me she needed a place to stay for a week until she could find another place. Regrettably, I allowed her to move back in. Afterall, things had been somewhat cordial between us for a couple years. But what was only supposed to be a week turned into a month. And then a month turned into 2 months.

When I started to put pressure on her to find another place just before Christmas, little did I know was she was conspiring to file the 3rd protective order. But I wasn't oblivious to it. I started to notice that she was acting a little odd, so my antennas were up. And from years of dealing with my ex and learning how she operates, I started to get one step ahead of her!

She had an old iPhone that she no longer used due to a cracked screen. But she let our oldest son use it to watch YouTube videos or play games. So one day while she was gone at work, I went through the old iPhone to see if I could find anything suspicious (knowing that she was still signed into her iCloud account). Low and behold I found that she was Googling restraining orders. My suspicions had been confirmed!

On Christmas Eve of 2020, I hid a video camera in my room while I took the boys to Christmas Eve service at church. When I got back and watched the recording, I wasn't surprised to see that my ex was snooping around my room. I still have no idea what she was doing or looking for. My first thought was that she was going to try and plant the 'stolen gun' from her apartment somewhere in my room, but fortunately for me, that wasn't the case.

3 days after Christmas, just before I left for work, I had this eerie feeling that I wouldn't be able to see my boys for a while. They were all sleeping on my bed in my room before I left for work, so I gave each of them a kiss and whispered "I love you" in their ears.

During my lunch break I had a hunch to check my Facebook, which is when I noticed that my ex-wife had blocked me from all social media platforms. That's when I knew something was wrong! I decided to call the Sheriff's Department to ask if a restraining order had been filed against me. Sure enough, there was! And due to the holidays, a court hearing wasn't scheduled for 4 weeks!!

During this time, since we were still legally married and New Mexico is a 'community property' state, I was evicted from my house and wasn't allowed any contact with my boys! So I immediately hired an attorney and began preparing my case. But rather than having to go searching for answers, the truth started to find me!

A mutual friend of ours from church, who my ex-wife moved in with after she moved out of my house, shared some chilling information with me about how my ex-wife confided in her about trying to get the house back.

This is a signed statement made by our former friend describing the details of how my ex-wife would break into my house while I was out of town reffing to try and find things to use against me. Out of respect for the privacy of this former friend, I have distorted her signature.

At the initial hearing, I'll never forget the look of my ex-wife when she hopped on the video call and saw my attorney and ALL the witnesses I had on my behalf. She was absolutely shocked! She probably thought it was just going to be me on the call and she would tell her lies to get the outcome she'd hoped for, but she was sorely mistaken.

The Judge saw right through her lies and ordered her to vacate my house and compensate me for the time that she occupied it! I actually learned from my attorney just before the hearing started that my ex-wife had filed a protective order prior to the one that was being heard, but it was denied by the Judge due to lack of details. So this was a 2nd attempt where she came up with more lies stating that she was a witness in a criminal case that I was a defendant on, and that I was threatening and intimidating her!

In this statement by my ex-wife, she mentions that she is trying to have my bond revoked for threatening and intimidating her. This so-called motion by the District Attorney was never filed because there was absolutely no truth or proof to her claims. She was clearly just trying aid in my incarceration and my conviction.

My ex-wife didn't have any witnesses present at the hearing, so the judge asked her if she was sure that she wanted to move forward. The truth is, my ex didn't have any witnesses ... but she claimed that her witnesses were unable to attend due to COVID (despite the hearing being via video conference). The judge established visitation with me and the boys and, unfortunately, ordered a continuance so that she could get her witnesses on the next call.

Sadly, that hearing would never happen and my opportunities to litigate her actions against me in court would be wasted! My own attorney kept pushing off my case and continuing any subsequent hearings against my requests not to because he was either in another trial, was sick, or was on vacation. My protective order case got pushed out for nearly a year, which is the amount of time a protective order lasts due to my attorney's negligence. The protective order eventually got absolved into our dissolution of marriage case, and was dismissed without prejudice.

This is a screenshot of one of my last requests for my attorney NOT to continue my hearings after a year of continuances.

Later, in a Stipulated Order of Dismissal authored by my ex-wife's attorney, she admits that there was no findings of domestic violence in the protective order filed in December of 2020!

However, no accountability has been taken for the false reports, defamation, and the turmoil this has caused me and my boys. She even lied to my boys saying that the reason I was gone for those 4 weeks awaiting a hearing was because I was in jail for stealing money from a lady to buy their Christmas presents. Not to mention, my ex-wife walked away with over $20,000 in stimulus and child tax credit money during this time because of the pandemic.

This is an audio recording of my boys telling me they thought I was in jail because their mom told them.

As you can see, my ex-wife seemingly had some sort of hidden agenda to have me incarcerated so she could get the house we bought and get custody of our 3 boys. This is why my first assigned Public Defender in my criminal case involving the sell of our vehicle was adamant that she was trying to set me up.

Being that my ex-wife is the one who orchestrated the deal between me and the buyer, it was believed that she had the buyer thinking the deal was for $4,000 only, and had me believing that the buyer agreed to pay the full term of the loan since we were allowing her to do payments. Read Deal Gone Wrong here.

It is evident in this text conversation between me and my ex-wife that she was playing sides and conspiring against me.

Again, I am not posting any of this to throw shade or publicly vilify my ex-wife. Even though I understand that may happen, this is simply my side of the story that needs to be told, and the images/videos shown are exhibits of evidence that support my side of the story. I have nothing to hide or nothing to run from. But rather, a reputation that was destroyed and a career that was upended due to all of these lies.

To this day, I have not gotten an apology from her and she holds the power to recant her false testimony, but refuses to do so.

My hope is that by sharing my story, it would bring some sort of vindication to my life and advocate for those men who have had bogus protective orders brought against them as well. The last time I was in prison before I got released on my appeal bond, she tried to reopen our custody case to get full custody and have me pay child support. This is MY story. The OTHER side of the lie! And I will continue fighting for the TRUTH to win out.

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